A Dream

I had a dream..

It was a clear beautiful sky
with zillions of bright stars
hanging in their own perfection
In sea shells pearls selection
So far far away-
A distance -I can’t ever reach

And then I found a friend
who said,
just close your eyes;
we will cross that milky way-
and will never come back
like we have gone astray ..

Just then a cruel flash of reality
pierced through my mind..
no escape-It opened my eyes
Nothing but dream I find;
Like a desert afternoon-
shadow of that tree
In it; I lost a part of me ..

-San

Reflex

My eyes are waiting, O Bahu
O Friend my eyes are waiting,
Wake up my fate, Come closer
O Friend my eyes are waiting..
I don’t want to belong- anyone else
Bird of your cage I am, O Bahu
Enrich me with the flight, I crave
O Friend my eyes are waiting..
All of which I can see
And all of which I can’t,
Forgive me through everything
As my eyes are waiting..
O Friend, my eyes are waiting ..

Translation
-San

A lesson learnt

[Aassalato wassalamo alaika Ya syyedia Rasulallah - - Aassalato wassalamo alaika Ya syedia habiballah ]

I don’t know from where to start.

Travelers, all we are. All of us are moving over defined paths, definite or indefinite. Paths, we believe that we have chosen for ourselves but reality, fortunately or unfortunately is almost always opposite. Logic as a part of us makes us religiously believe that we are free beings, free to choose our destinies. Yes, correct within radius of a smaller circle but; a big No within all the dimensions we are a part of, as a whole. I can understand the difficulty to take up this courage and confess that all of us have been tied to strings – the strings undesirable, the strings unacceptable and the strings not known to logic; or I must say to “The” logic we beings have been by default embedded with, as significant or insignificant creatures.

Point to make here is not furnishing arguments in favor of our helplessness. In fact, I am totally fine with that concept; not because there is no escape but because I find it; the best for the entire system for which, we all have been programmed with, otherwise there would have been a total chaos. Point here, is that there is a contradiction. A contradiction, which is obvious and yet not so obvious. We have to dig it. We have to explore it. We really need Not to think it but to use another channel we have been blessed with- Spirit.

Our spirits are the poorest and richest beings ever existed anywhere. Poorest, because they have been separated from their very origin. Possibly we can well understand their pain from an object say, goldfish out of water bowl. They suffer worse than that. The object can’t run the race of survival for long, away from its origin and extinguishes But the spirit has to -it has to move on- as it remains a bird without wings. Still Poorest, because from its true freedom, its forceful transition is its imprisonment within walls of insanity; worst enough it goes blind living in the dungeon of so called “Logic or Reason”. Also, rich it is. Richest, because even been thrown into an insensibly different dimension of time and space, it has huge potential to light up, to wake up, to stand up and to break up.

It can rebel against the most aggressive captivity and starts it journey towards its destination. And yes, its origin is its destination but it has to travel- travel ahead to return to the point from where it had been put into an exam. Now where the problem lies? Reason-“So called reason”. Giving us an illusion of self confidence but actually diverting us from our real destiny. Reason keeps most of us encircling around things which are insignificant- within larger radii. Sometimes we need lifetime to understand that its not about being in mosque, in church, in temple, in air, under water. Its just about being pure and sincere. Pure to His desire and sincere to His love.

Purity will itself guide them to the ultimate light. Light of wisdom, light of love, light of ultimate beauty BUT the journey is painful.

I don’t know where to end.

Diyaar-e-Ishq mei apna maqaam paida kar !!

{A dedication to my Sheikh}

-San

Random

Once a very close friend of mine asked me “Why do you almost always write sad?” Well, Huh! I guess writing dull doesn’t always mean that actually you are a depressed soul. It is sometimes just the way your pen flows and even if its the way it seems it is, whats wrong with availing the opportunity to pour everything over a piece of paper that can storm inside. Life is unpredictable but centainly beautiful, I have to agree. As a matter of fact this uncertainity actually adds to the equation to make it more desirable. Anyhow, without philosophying let me try to turn few old pages of my book and recapture some adorable moments.

For this, I dont have to go that far, couple of months back I and Sam had lunch together.It was less of a lunch and more of a gossip session. Long story cut short, together after a geat day Sam decided to drop me back at my place. Fortunately it had not been that long, when she started off with her driving expirence that time. Here goes our adventure..

“Sana do you want me to drop you?” Though everyone in Sam’s family seemed to avoid this question put by her and there was a good great reason that I came to know laterz. I thought no one can ever drive worse than I do. At max, the poor car has to be started twice or thrice in the middle of main road when it will by chance stop with a jerk. What else? And that is perfectly fine. I mean, that we can expect from a beginner. The adventure started when sam opened up her main gate. Before starting the car, it was necessary to check for all do’s and hav’s. So, I used the side mirror to tie up my scarf while she combed her hair well enough. Both of us took sips from our soda bottles. Took deep breaths and checked our time of departure.

Bad luck hit us right the way.Some stupid jerk had parked a car just opposite to the gate. As I expected Sam gave a huge buzz ..another one … yet another one stronger than before.The aim was to remove that very hinderance in our journey. Furious, she kept on buzzing intensely so desperately intense that aunty came outside. She offered us to get the car to main road. But no way, we returned the offer with thanx and “We can handle it”.It took a while when we realized that the guy wasn’t inside.Of course, If the guy was’nt inside how could that poor thing be moved? Food for thought.. o yes.. Now what to do? Sam, got out of car, stood by the gate and yelled, “who is this?” No answer. Of course, a car couldn’t answer back. It was after she came back in car someone removed that object. huh ! Oh relief it was.

On our way suddenly Sam announced that car was out of CNG early that morning. As she didn’t know how to check the CNG meter and so did I, run time decision was to get safe and enter a CNG plus petrol station nearby. Now, this was the conversation that happened between the petrol boy and her. Sam: ” Mera driver aaya tha CNG bharwanay?” Boy was just looking at her and figuring out what could be the possible answer. I almost fell with laugher pangs in my tummy. She looked at me as if “San its not so funny, don’t you see I am trying to have some serious conversation.” While he was thinking if these ladies are serious or making fun of me; she put another one,”accha chalo phir aisa karo, tanky check kar lo. CNG nhi bhari to bhar do nhi to rehney do”. whirls of pangs and I was suffocated.. this time we both looked at each other and a burst of laugher.

Anyhow, got released from that station knowing that we had good enuf petrol and CNG to move on. After a while we realized that everyone on the road was staring at us for no obvious reason. The bike walas, the tractor walas, the car walas, even the donkey walas. Initial reason that could pop up was that I was laughing. Sam: “San, stop laughing everyone is noticing us.” Even after I made a hell serious face the situation remained the same. Reason actually was wherever there were any bikes or objects coming in front of us, Sam started waving “side pe , side pe .”

While the traffic police was around, we were the most serious creatures ever born on this earth.Sam: “inki taref na dekhein..inki taref na dekhein.” Over a turn, sam recalled that there is a down signal to signal right; but this thought came a little late, after she got her hand out for signalling. “Are we on rickshaw Sam?” I thought it was a logical question. Sam:”serious ho ja sana, tu mughe serious nhi le rhi.”

That was hardly a 5 min drive which took around 20 min of continuous laugher for both of us but I just loved that adventure and another one when once we both got lost in streets walking around. Thanks Sam, have a wonderful life ahead. You are my best buddy !! Love you pal !! I can’t forget my good great firends ever :)

mainu oos mahi rulaya haei.. [Shikwa-e-Sheikh]

medi aakh nu gu’nn ga baithey oo
dhupp ton mainu vacha baithey oo
jey baddal uttay saa baithey oo
fer akhiyan hanju kyon laya haei?
sahab, tohan dil-zakham kyon dukhaya haei??

oo prame kahani suna baithe oo
ess gal’ vich mala pa baithey oo
jey mainu heer bna baithey oo
fer wasdey bhaid kyon lukaya haei?
sahab, motiyan patharan kyon ralaya haei??

ess panchi uran sikha baithey oo
tohan lagan di larry la baithey oo
jey jogi vaang nacha baithey oo
fer arsh ton farsh kyon taya haei?
sahab, hun pinjarey vich kyon paya haei??

jinhaan dil akhiyan naal khaya haei
kachiyan aqlaan ki kamaya haei?
vey bulhiya tu kismat wala
tu tey nach yar manaya haei..

oos mahi rulaya haei..
mainu oos mahi rulaya haei !

-San

Sufi’c brushes on canvas

As That flame of frenzy sparked,
it burnt the fires in deep forest of my heart,
it ached badly with His longing,
and I danced..
my soul submarined in an alcoholic ocean,
drunk and timeless
it propagated meaningless motion,
I saw senseless brushes on the canvas,
and I danced..
disconnected from the world around,
barefooted on the mirror floor,
over the music that hath no sound,
and I danced..
without feelings, without emotions,
depriviation of His love
filling darkness and emptiness ..
and with this thought,
In front of me, my soul annihilated,
and I danced; and danced; and danced….!

-San

Nothing at all..

I can hide those ruins in my smiles
and gonna say nothing at all..
cuz..
sumtimes the dreams we admire
are the ones we share quite alone
so,..
I opened my eyes; being brave enough
to see that butterfly flying high above
she was happy in it..
and to see her even happier,
was all, that love understands.
I let those tears flow
so that, my heart can let it go
and then ..
without listening to that ache I had,
I froze that flame
which, for such long I adored
I gathered all those scattered pieces
and left them in a crystal box
wandered aimlessly with my eyes closed,
burried them thousand miles down sumwhere
so that even I, cannot find them anywhere
with this note:
Just that …
I had been truthful and
she had been honest ..
for me..
no reason left to dig the reason
it was love, that knows no reasoning
and where reason starts, love ends..!

-San

To End It Rests

Spinning Seasons;
to end it rests..
Falling eve; and..
Sparrows back to nests..
Foggy vision, wings paralyzed
On jerky ways, completely immobilized;
perhaps; But..
My inertia back to tracks !

-San

Strange Valley

Standing; where I am standing
I find..
It was….but perhaps,a butterfly,
or a spectrum of vapours cry..
mesmerized me with such stress;
that I.. a rock, could not repress
escorted me to a valley,
a dark and deep, static alley..
such frame of time there’in prevailed
as everything the step-nature inhaled
that haunting silence; waiting for prey,
where’in; all painted in monotone..grey,
the trees, the grass and the flowers
even.. the moon, the seas and the stars..
where’in, there nailed few anonymous eyes
just focussing on those grey dots, it tries
I saw them scluptured, mysteriously grown
constantly gazing along an axis unknown..
scared, I threw a pebble into that pond
to break that icy silent bond..
wanted to see those whirls-rounds
wanted to hear those beautiful sounds
No whirls; but barren cracking, I select
resounding a frequency, I couldn’t connect..
a scripture carved on a high stone
had to decipher it all; but alone,
It read ….. It read
‘ Another dead among the dead ! ‘

Why I had chased that butterfly?

-San

Expression

what matters is,
I ‘m listening a word,
that my heart has never spelled before,
in all those,
cluttered noises
jumbled voices …

-San

Irony

You said,
Twilight does a sarcastic divison
coals and crystals clearly apart,
then how can it be
that millions of ashen beams
so easily hidable,
within shady refuge ..
in the eclispe of my heart ?

-San

Falling In Cascade

In the midst of thick golden pile of trees,
Like snowdrops into thousands; landing,
I can just feel; The magic of that leafless trunk…
Stubbornly standing !

-San

Mother’s lap cast a spell!

Violent thunders take a while for nap,
When I..
a being; hypnotized;
Sleep in the tranquillity of my mother’s lap !

-San

Memories Wreck

Running and running with the time’s hasty gears,
Somewhere far behind; I’d lost those sapphires..
Lamp in my hand! I begin to search ..
I scream; I shout ..
Within that wreck; if there’s anything left?
A sigh answers back..
Nothing but stones and iron; rest all; time has theft !

-San

Characters & Plots

Bewilderness engulfs deep shadow thy ,
Seemingly, staring, at a wonderful sky
Shivering n chilling in a dark moment of life
Ponderding if …
There is a war going, somewhere inside !
Thunders n rocks striking the beats
And in some corner , there stands some silent freaks..
Listening to the music that strikes thy mind
Or was that a dream…all, a child could find !
Ups n downs , those silvers n golds
Countless shades this world beholds..
Tired, much tired…
from the race thy run , the masks thy worn…
And all those colors that thy has shown !
The rule is game and the game is rule
We simply ;
The faces ,puppets n hollow slots …
That just fill the damn characters n plots !~

-San

Outside My Window

Outside my window;
The moon that I can see in the mid of this damp;silent night,
Is as cold outside as I am inside !

-San

A Trojan Horse Inside

Without a single wheeling wave,
An outraged storm bombardly crave..
Besides a railing; derailing; thought,
Though cruising along; but caught..
Behind falling colors; sparkling bright,
Not a phantom swept by light..
With flakes of foam in endless ocean,
As rusted chains take breathless motion
Under the boots; the petal gashes
A paper boat burnt to ashes…
Against these warriors in Trojan horses,
A battle announced by ‘reason”s forces..
Behind tweaking supports; a spirit veiled,
As on sandy pillars; it is nailed !
-San

Time Precipitates

Roaring chapters in my time’s rack,
A moment’s silence creeps thru the crack..
The tick of clock made me recall,
Of an oak’s shadow; with sunset it fall..
Once innocuous; now raining upon a barren land,
Those flashes..thou ages apart; but by-my-side they stand..
I heard …
Wings striking against the windows of an opera hall,
Is it that lost sparrow; seeking corridor’s of my memories’ mall?!
Gorgeous pearls spruting from the ground,
Not dust grains; in deserts whirling around..
Story of old faces, time narrates,
Can you see how that gold precipitates ?!
-San

Resonance

Down the folds of time,
A voice i heard, i m sure not mine
like a melodious gem, strings define
countless beads, stretched across a line..
chasing the walls, out in the wilderness it drove
…flash of time….
and with an icy wind, it froze,
Echoing its presence, keeping itself alive
deep down the last whispers, it dives..
couldn’t make out the silence, its bound
I fear; ..just..
few autumn leaves, resonating around !
-San

Toss of Coin

Through foils of memories, I tried to track,
I wished..
A toss of coin; takes the time roll-back…
Between old pages; a feather I find,
Blurred rainbow sketches; My vision goes blind ?!
Bunch of tulips; as pearls within’shells..pack,
Huge bundles of cotton; loaded on hunch-back…
So very wonderful moments we collected,
Those silver linings our image-sack selected..
Miles behind we left that place,
Yet! it’s cosmic light; sets its trace…
A pebble; like a bullet pierced through,
Making so many whirls..in my mind; it’s true…
Footprints on my sight it left,
Not a sand-castle; that a sea wave theft…
Stirring my cords; haunting me long,
How can I forget that nightingale’s song ?!

-San

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